The Ikea Virgin, or how I got my lingonberry popped.

Today was a day of firsts. I took my first NYC water taxi as well as my first trip to Ikea. Ever. My friend and Coworker Alvin and I decided to play hooky from work today to do some shopping. Alvin wanted new lamps for the office. I was in search of new everything – bed frame, mattress, sofa, tv stand, chester drawer, etc. One would think I had lost all my worldly possessions in a fire. Nah. Just time for new stuff as I prepare for my move to Long Island City.

So down to South Street Seaport to grab the water taxi. Of course, when playing hooky at work to go on a major shopping expedition, one must prepare by stopping at a bar for a quick beer. Which is what we did. After a quick libation at Heartland Brewery, it’s off to the water taxi. It was a nice ten minute ride to Red Hook, Brooklyn, where the famous blue and yellow building awaits, ready to wrap it’s allen wrench arms around today’s crazed consumers. As we docked at Pier Ikea, I snapped pics of this monumental moment with the fervor of a tourist. Alvin’s already been to Ikea so he was not as thrilled as I was. What he was thrilled with was the swedish meatballs. It’s almost a requirement for all Ikea shoppers. You must first head to the cafeteria and order the plate of swedish meatballs, all 800 calories worth. I went for the chicken tenders, which were slightly less in calories. I did try the meatballs and they were quite yummy. Also, Ikea really likes to push their Lingonberries. They put it in everything. Actually, all Ikea furniture is made of pressure treated sheets of lingonberries. As a matter of fact, the actual Ikea building is made out of lingonberries.

Being the good ex-boy scout that I am, I prepped myself beforehand by combing Ikea’s website and picking out things I wanted to check out. Such as the Manstad sofa sleeper because it has this cool chaise that pops open for storage and the way the bed pulls out is so BOSS. When I saw it in person, and sat on it, I was quite disappointed. It was so stiff. So no couch for me. We looked at everything. The thing I wasn’t fully prepared for was the tv media centers and how modular they are. You can add your own sliding doors or drawers or both, and in different colors. My head was about ready to explode. Now I understand all my friends who say “make a list and know exactly what you want before you go. Otherwise you will be overwhelmed.” So true. so true. As we made out way to the warehouse portion, I couldn’t believe that after going through that entire store, you now were expected to load up all your stuff. it was like some sick Swedish joke. I was waiting to be doused with a bucket of Lingonberries. So after all that waking around and looking at the entire catalog of products, I’m happy to say I did buy something! Four Ikea shopping bags for 59 cents each. It will definitely come in handy for my upcoming move. Of course, I still need to find a bed, mattress, sofa, tv stand, chester drawer etc.

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